Mask

People will always wear a mask to hide what they are feeling. I am like that.. to be completely honest. My mind is going crazy 24/7 but I will always keep a smile on my face... for the most part. I have always been one to wear my emotions on my sleeves. I just once again.. need to vent.

HEY, if someone is having a bad day... it can go one of two ways.. make em mile or you make it worst by trying to make them smile. SOMETIMES I just want to have a fucking bad day. Please allow it to continue and end like so. 

Everyday, I slowly fall into my thoughts. I work as much as I do to keep me busy but also help with my bills. I love to however, spend as much time as I can with my gf though. She means the world to me and I know that no day is promised. So I try to make sure that at all moments she knows that I love her. That goes for all you people too. For those few that read this blog... I have an idea of who some of you are... some I dont. I care about you. Dont let a day go by without letting your loved ones know how much you love them. 

Did you guys know that every time I write one of these involving feelins....I cry. Yeah Im a little bitch but at least I know what I feel.

Have you ever just felt so distant with someone whether its your family, friends or significant other... that their words dont seem the same as they were before? Like their actions didnt match their words? I do.. with quite few people though.. You know.. if I ever get married, the saddest part is I dont even know who the fuck my bridesmaids would be.. because honestly I dont have friends like that. Id rather complete strangers attend my wedding and participate because they will just congratulate you instead of judging you for everything youve been through. **shoot me an email if you want to be a part of my future wedding lmao** Like the only person I can truly trust is myself... everyone else is being weird or doing their own thing. Which I understand...

I just want to be okay again. I dont want all these monsters in my head. I want to go back to the old days where I didnt have the pain, hurt, broken trust and the broken promises to haunt my every moment. I still hold myself back from completely bursting into tears. I just want it to be happy again. I just want it all erased. The smile I have to hide the pain that I feel inside. 

This was pretty serious.. but remember..

chin up and arms out... take it a day at a time. 

ttyl loves.

~tbabes<3