Oh, but you guys, it fucking snowed. whoop!
I have so much on my plate. I've been trying to adult properly but I am starting to think that life is nothing but struggling. As I sit here and thinking about everything that has happened, it is crazy.
I said last year that I would possibly be living in Atlanta by now. That didn't happen. I now have my amazing girlfriend here in Texas. I have been working my ass off so that she doesn't have to worry about anything of mine. She works her ass off too. That's what she knows. She is not a slacker by any means. I have never been with someone who is genuinely looking to make a better future for the both of us and not just themselves. I am utterly happy with the way life is going I just wish I could do everything that I want to. 2017 has been pretty great though, I believe that 2018 will only be better. I need to get back into school guys, BUT GETTING AN EXTRA $500 to help get me back in... that is most definitely a challenge. I am sad that I don't have any friends that I can call and just be like, "Hey, lets hang out." They are too consumed with life or stupid. The kind where you're like ... really? I just want to chill and you're being rude or utterly dumb asfk.
I really dont have too much to say this time round. I have been living to where all I do is chill and work. half of my day is spent at work or driving to places. I mean... I can tell you everything thats been happening, but will you really read it? If I told you what worries me day in and day out, my worst fears or reasons why depression sets in? Have you ever felt so much distance that it is hard to bear and you fight everyday not to break down in tears? You guys ever go to work and cant stand to feel like you arent worth fucking shit and ask, what am I even doing here? What difference am I really making in this world? shit I don't even know anymore. You know what I feel you always need in life? Intimacy and someone who understands you that you can talk to and have all your trust in, yeah, you have family but sometimes you cant always depend on blood. I learned that. We all are the same but our lives went down different paths. Sometimes I still sit here and think.... if people saw what are in my thoughts... they wouldnt look at me the same. My mind is so violent.. my mind isnt nice to me. I love myself I do... that little voice in the back of my head is a bitch though. Still thinks that no one cares and that no one could truly love me because I am a fucking psychopath. All I want in life is to be happy and not have my anxiety or depression fuck it all up.
But anyway. Its time for me to go back home.
Remember, chin up and arms out.
take it one day at a time. <3
~tbabes<3
I have so much on my plate. I've been trying to adult properly but I am starting to think that life is nothing but struggling. As I sit here and thinking about everything that has happened, it is crazy.
I said last year that I would possibly be living in Atlanta by now. That didn't happen. I now have my amazing girlfriend here in Texas. I have been working my ass off so that she doesn't have to worry about anything of mine. She works her ass off too. That's what she knows. She is not a slacker by any means. I have never been with someone who is genuinely looking to make a better future for the both of us and not just themselves. I am utterly happy with the way life is going I just wish I could do everything that I want to. 2017 has been pretty great though, I believe that 2018 will only be better. I need to get back into school guys, BUT GETTING AN EXTRA $500 to help get me back in... that is most definitely a challenge. I am sad that I don't have any friends that I can call and just be like, "Hey, lets hang out." They are too consumed with life or stupid. The kind where you're like ... really? I just want to chill and you're being rude or utterly dumb asfk.
I really dont have too much to say this time round. I have been living to where all I do is chill and work. half of my day is spent at work or driving to places. I mean... I can tell you everything thats been happening, but will you really read it? If I told you what worries me day in and day out, my worst fears or reasons why depression sets in? Have you ever felt so much distance that it is hard to bear and you fight everyday not to break down in tears? You guys ever go to work and cant stand to feel like you arent worth fucking shit and ask, what am I even doing here? What difference am I really making in this world? shit I don't even know anymore. You know what I feel you always need in life? Intimacy and someone who understands you that you can talk to and have all your trust in, yeah, you have family but sometimes you cant always depend on blood. I learned that. We all are the same but our lives went down different paths. Sometimes I still sit here and think.... if people saw what are in my thoughts... they wouldnt look at me the same. My mind is so violent.. my mind isnt nice to me. I love myself I do... that little voice in the back of my head is a bitch though. Still thinks that no one cares and that no one could truly love me because I am a fucking psychopath. All I want in life is to be happy and not have my anxiety or depression fuck it all up.
But anyway. Its time for me to go back home.
Remember, chin up and arms out.
take it one day at a time. <3
~tbabes<3
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