Second Chances: My Opinion.. On Forgiveness...

Here is a little topic that comes up with friends and family. Many people try to talk about second chances. whether it is for friends, family, and potential spouses.

 

In my opinion, I don't think that significant others should get second chances. I strongly believe that if it didn't work out the first time, then it wont work the second time. Yes there is a possibility that the person may change, but those old memories will still be there in the back of your mind. This person may have done a complete 180 and I still will not take them back. Why wouldn't you want to work it out the first time?? Was I not worth it then? Relationships are a work in progress.. It is not perfect. As much as we want a perfect relationship, there is an understanding you MUST always know. All couples fight, all couples go through struggles. The question is are you willing to work through all of the hardships and difficulties with this person? You shouldn't want to opt out at the first sign of struggle or if you just are worried about things that you shouldn't be. Sometimes all you have to do is talk it out and work on it. I have never EVER tried to get back with an ex. I have had many try but none have succeeded, no one ever will. I know that says that a lot about the person I am, but I just cant. once I feel like I have wasted my time with you that is it. You could not take me at my worst, why should you get my best? I can say that I have tried to work things out in every relationship I have been in. Once both sides stopped trying and I felt it was pointless, I just let it be. Sometimes being a single person is easier than getting you heart broken. Being with someone that makes you happy and is willing to work to become a better "you guys" - then I believe that would be worth it.


FRIENDS... or those who you would like to think to have your back. I have been through a lot a friendships and I have learned that everyone changes. Sometimes you can forgive friends for flaking/cancelling on plans, running late, throwing up in you car(ew)... but I cannot stand when you get disrespected. I have had a few fallout because of my friends or I being in new relationships, which hello, this is a potential future spouse, so of course I am going to spend time with them. I will respect that if my friend is going through that too. ONE THING I CANNOT STAND IS... if you or your significant other has a problem with me, talk to me about it. Do not let this person jump on your phone and question who the fuck I am to you and how I disrespected you by texting you in the middle of the night. FIRST OFF... They claim that they didn't know who I was? I was your friend/best friend/acquaintance for over 11 years and she doesn't know who I am? Then she comes at me sideways??? Oh no, you should be handling your significant other. I have never ever had my significant other take my phone and text you... THEN be disrespectful about it. If they had a problem they came to you with that issue and handled it like an adult. Remember, I came to get you in the middle of the night when you were pissed drunk and took you home. No I wasn't always there for you like I wanted to be, but I was always someone that you could call and talk to. Anyway, moving forward... I have learned to let it go. I am at a happy place in my life. I no longer hold grudges, maybe when I think back I may remember and be upset, but I pop back asap. Moving along...

Oh my, family. I can say a lot about family. Some can be forgiven and other you cannot. ALTHOUGH, many will say that you will have to forgive to move forward to live a better life. I mean there are many things that you can forgive a family member for.. eating the last piece of cheesecake, forgetting your bday, not liking your lifestyle.. whatever, regardless you will still be happy. It doesn't mess with your mental. There is one thing that I do not think that you can really forgive someone for that is in your family. I may be wrong.. maybe there are some that have forgiven and moved forward. I know a lot of women out here today that were either sexually assaulted, sexually abused, or molested by members of their own family. Those that are suppose to protect you and look out for you, that you trusted with your life, and you were violated by them. From that point you almost do not know what to do with life. You grow up thinking what did I do. Why did this happen to me? You feel like a piece of shit because you were ruined at a young age or not even young, a vulnerable stage. This is for both girls and guys. I, personally, have never forgiven the one that did this to me. It took him almost 15 years to message me on Facebook and tell me that he was sorry for what he did. That he had found God and now knows the errors of his ways.  FOR 15 YEARS, I felt I was not beautiful, I felt like I was worthless and damaged, so I ate my sorrow in food. I cried so hard that day and was so shaken... I was speechless. I was so ENRAGED that day too. In my brain I was thinking.. "I finally forgot about it. Then you have the audacity to message me and bring it up?!".. So because I ate so much I was a very chunky teenager and child. I grew up with my parental units calling me fat and making fun of my weight. To this very day, I have so many self-esteem issues that it is super difficult for me to fully open myself to anyone. As much as I love my parents, they do not know how much the have ruined my soul. I am a fucked up person to myself. I forgive my parents because they just wanted me to be their perfect child, not realizing I tried every day to kill myself because of all of that. SO BASICALLY, you can pick and choose who you want to forgive... some are worse than others. Some are easy. It is up to you to decide. If you went through things like I did.. My heart goes out to you. Remember we are strong. No it was not easy holding that in, if you are still holding it in vent to me. I am more than willing to listen.

There is a little more into my world. Everyone has baggage, no one is perfect.

SOMETIMES you have to let go or just forget. Live you life for yourself.. If you have a bad day, tomorrow is a new day.  Forgiveness is key..

This is the end. I am signing off loves.

Chin up and arms out. Take it a day at a time.

-tbabes <3