Have you ever wondered how you can be so happy, yet feel like a worthless piece of crap existing on this earth with no soul purpose but to live and die? yeah? Well, I am right there with you.
I know my worth and I know that I am destined for something great. I also have those moments where I am wondering if I am doing everything right in my life. For the past month, I have done well not to break down in tears. However, last night I came to a breaking point. I showered.. felt all the weight of the world pushed down on my shoulders... I ended up in a bath... I stopped the water enough so that I could breathe.. any other time I attempted this I would forget to stop the water flow... I laid there ... I had music on but I heard only the sound of the water in my ears, My eyes red from rubbing them and the water drops hitting me in the eye. At that moment, I wished I were dead.
Moments like I had last night.. I know that I am not the only one.. I want to say to those out there... BREATHE... It gets better. It may take tons of time but the best things come to those who wait.
Lately I have been feeling very insecure as well. I do not feel beautiful. I have tried to dress up and make myself feel better. However, even with my best attempt, it fails. I dont know whats going on with me ... I was so close to cutting myself last night... I hated my skin.. I am glad I didnt.. I know who I am.. I know I am beautiful... just sometimes that insecurity sets in and makes my dangerous thoughts come to light.
Well, I must go now. More updates later.
Remeber: Chin up and arms out. Take it a day at a time. Things WILL get better. This is me signing off loves.
~tbabes<3
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