How long does one have to pretend to be happy before completely giving up? Staying at a job for the pay but completely dreading going to that godforsaken place. Knowing that the cost of living is high asfk and you have to make sure you can pay bills. Trying to restrain from asking for help. Ive been doing this so long I dont know anything else. Do you ever just think what if? What if this happened for me way when? What if I took my life into my own hands and guided myself at an earlier age?
AT what point in my life should I have realized that I was in the world on my own. Everyone learns at a different age. Some mature faster than other because they have seen and experienced the struggle first hand.
I wouldnt say that I was privileged. I was given things that I didnt ask for. My parents got me a car at 16...cool. Mind you, it was given to me to help take them places and my siblings to school. However, with that mobility, I went and got myself my first job, then I worked 2 jobs and went to school. I was young so I didnt understand what burning myself out was. I saw my parents work all the time and I felt like that is what my life is suppose to be like. To follow in their footsteps and work hard and all the time. My parents are still doing that today... just beasting through life. I admire them so much for what they do and what they have accomplished. They came to the US with nothing but their family and a dream. They give me the strength to want to better and make a good life for myself and hopefully I can let them retire and take care of them.
Life is tough. You will go through things and just wonder.. WHY ME? However, you just have to keep your head up and push through. You hold your future in your hands, you make your life what you make it.
I am working two jobs right now and I have not had a day off in over a month.. oh wait, Im a liar, I had off July 4th. I mean that doesnt count, I was freaking sick lol. My point is, I will stop at nothing to make my life how I want. I no longer want to ask my friends, family or my parents for any help. This means having to pawn stuff for a little extra cash. Not eating so I can have gas money. The beautiful thing about my struggle is that I am not doing this alone. My wonderful gf has been by me through it all. The amazing part is that we dont look at it as a struggle anymore. It just happens and we stock snacks and food for future meals. It isnt much but this is how we live and we are not one bit complaining. There may have been times where we didnt think and stupidly spent money - but at no point were we unhappy or disappointed.
Things may have not be looking up for you right now, but continuously keep your head up, somethings waiting for you. everything takes a tad bit of time. <3
ttyl loves.
Remember: chin up and arms out. Take it a day at a time.
love always.
tbabes<3
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